Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
