i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
