His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
