I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm like, not good at living.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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