i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
