Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks

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(239): View more from Florida

so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.

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(630): View more from Illinois

This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

did she buy you pizza?

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(928): View more from Arizona

If this party got busted it would be an improvement

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?

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(773): View more from Illinois

A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience

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