Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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