It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize