I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
