god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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