So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
