sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
