shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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