I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
