I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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