i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't put those talents on a resume
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
