Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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