wanna go halves on a baby?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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