I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is her dick bigger than yours?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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