I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
