What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
