i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
