just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
