so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you didnt know i had herpes?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
