just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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