So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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