I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize