Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
