I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
