I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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