Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
