Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
