i think my tv is drunk
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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