youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
