We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
