a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
