There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
