My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
