yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
