So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
