It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
