I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
