you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
