We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
