Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
