Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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