Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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