I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
