i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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