I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
