Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
