My friends, they love my intelligence
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
