I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize