Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
