Pappa wants mamma naked
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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