Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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