So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
