Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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