he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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