I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
too bad you live with your parents still
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
