At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
