Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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