I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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