Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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