I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
