As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
