We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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