Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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