I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
