I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
