Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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